Disciplinary Chairman St. John Harris Expected To Issue Statement
By: Datzit Indaruf, Flem Cup Correspondent
MYRTLE BEACH, Nov 13, 2001 – Team England scrambled to distance itself from a pair of emails received by this paper that lead to a strong rebuff by The Flem Cup Committee and the subsequent pulling of web site privileges by Team U.S. Co-Captain Scott Dow. The email that caused the most uproar was forwarded to Dow by England stalwart Greg Matthews and was from England star Paul ‘Milo’ Miles, who dominated this year’s individual prizes.
Milo’s email was unwittingly forwarded to Dow by Greg Matthews as some sort of official transmission from The Angel Golf Society. Upon receiving the email, all hell broke loose as The Flem Cup Committee immediately cancelled plans for web-hosting “Flemcup.com” website and Dow subsequently revoked all privileges for the FlemCup.com site. However, events quickly began to unravel on the British side of the pond as well when news came down that the popular website had been pulled.
An anonymous source has reported a statement from AGS Disciplinary Chairman Mr St John Harris can be expected at some point before the end of the week. It would appear that AGS and Team England players alike have no problem in enforcing an undisclosed penalty from Mr Jennings, payable to Mr Dow, in order to ‘keep alive’ the Flem Cup website.
Cynical observers might say that there appears to be a limit to the loyalty of Team England players and Angel Golf Society members. Others might say that it is only now that the details of what some are calling attempted murder are coming out that it is causing an uproar. Still others claim it is the disrespect being paid to well-known and popular England golfer Paul Nelson that is causing the reversal of Jennings’ fortunes. The only thing AGS and TE members can universally agree on is that (according to an anonymous source) “It sure as hell isn’t because we like Dow.” In fact, one rumor circulating is that the AGS and TE are going to greatly increase the Jennings’ original fine because “he missed the bastard.”
Upon receiving the news, a spokesman for Dow’s office said that Dow regretted assuming Milo spoke for The AGS and Team England players. Apparently, Milo was overheard while lounging in a hot tub surrounded by groupies and sipping on a Margarita (claiming he acquired a quite a thirst for Tequila while in Myrtle Beach). Milo, for his part, then disavowed (in a semi-coherent moment) sending the email, claiming that:
“A lot of brain cells have died in the celebrations of the last week. Constitution? What constitution? Defend Jennings?! . . . just let me get hold of that worm! No, not JENNINGS – the Mezcal worm – YEAH BABY. Common sweetheart, let’s do a hat dance! “
In an possibly unrelated story, Dow had brain surgery upon returning from Myrtle Beach in order to have a large chunk of material resembling chicken fat removed from his head. Reached for comment, Jennings said:
“So that’s how he beat me – he had a reversible lobotomy just before The Cup.”
Reached for comment at his home office, Dow’s paused for a long moment before replying: “Duh, huh?”